Race Minus!

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Race Minus!

Post#1 » Mon May 11, 2009 10:34 am

Here's an old post I kept due to finding it amusing 14 years ago.
I hope old timers and younglings enjoy this:

This was in response to the addon RacePlus by Dan & Dave.

Joseph O'neil was an above average VGAP player and was great
fun in the old usenet forum.

Here you go:
(2) 14 Mar 95 05:16:00
By: Joseph O'neil
To: All
Re: NOT a new add-on...
St:
------------------------------------------------------------
Are you bored with 'conventional' VGA Planets?
Seeking to spark up your love life?
Seeking new life and new adventures to your already
drab and boring existance?
....well try out.....

RACE-MINUS

..the new VGA Planets add-on utility that is
guarenteed to really mess up your game. Here listed below are
all the really neat new race abilites
you get using RACE-MINUS!

FEDS - SUPER COUNTERFIT-REFIT MISSION
The Arkham class frigate now come equipped with the
"Cthulu device". Setting the friendly code to "jnk", and the
ship mission to "Intercept", this ship will replace weapons
and engines with identical equipment made in third world
sweat shops. Due to inferior workmanship, the new parts have
a cumlative 5% chance per turn of breaking down. Combat of
any kind adds 25% to the chance of this happening.
Consequences of breakdowns include having 50% of the crew
killed due to imploding toilets, engines blowing thier warp
core and becomming tech one drives, all beam weapons firing
at friendly ships, and all torpedoes degenerating into Jello.

LIZARDS - DRAIN THE LIZARD ATTACK
Neutronic fuel carriers under Lizard control can now set
their friendly code (FC) to "clk" which will allow them to
cloak. Cloaked fuel carriers then in orbit over any planet
can then change thier FC to "pis". This will automatically
unload 50% of the fuel tanks, which are actually full of
sewage from Lizards starbases. The fall of the sewage on
planets will cause 33% of enemy colonist to die off instantly
from gagging and choking. However, due to the rich chemical
nutrients in the sewage, native life forms will increase
their populations by 15% per attack.

BIRDMEN - SUPER SEX MISSION
Birdman ships on superspy missions over enemy planets
with thier FC set to "sex" will beam down thousands of X-
rated videos to the planet's internet system. Each ship on
this mission will decrease by 20% the amount of supplies
produced by factories. This is due to the fact that
enemy colans will be spending thier day screwing around
instead of working.

FASCIST - MAFIA INFILTRATION
Coldpain class crusiers, with their FC set to "GOD", can
beam over 100 clans to any enemy starbase while clocked.
These clans will quickly adapt and fade into "society" upon
the base. Every turn, on a cumaltive basis, the costs of any
shipbuilding on that base will increase by 5% due to
extorsion, kickbacks, corrupt unions and pryamid schemes.
The only exception are Lady Royal Crusiers, which will be
built at 25% of normal cost. Lady Royals built at a corrupt
bace will generate 300% more MC's than normal, but will also
kill off 5% of clans on board (overactive loan sharks), and
will instantly defect to the first Fascist ship they
encounter.

PRIVATEER - RUM SHIP MISSION
MCBR's with mission set to "Rob Ship" and FC set to
"gin" can now place supplies on enemy ships. Each supply
unit represents one case of bathtub gin, and will kill off
10 crew members from drinking bad moonshine.

CYBORG - BRING OUT YER DEAD MISSION
Any Cyborg freighter can recycle clans back into
minerals. Simply set the FC to "JNK", and each 100 clans
will be recyled into 10 tri, 10 dur and 10 moly. Captured
Robot clans will generate 2 times the amount of recycled
minerals.

EVIL EMPIRE - THE THAT BAD "F" WORD ME MISSION
RU gunboats with thier FC set to "BFS" an loaded with 1
supply and 10,000 MC will instantly transform into a fully
loaded Gorbie when attacked. The Gorbie will be equiped with
the same engines and same weapons that the gunboat had.
There is a standard 100% chance that the crews of tech one
attacking ships will die on the spot of over active bowel
movements, less 10% per rising tech level of hull, such that
the crew of a tech 10 carrier or battleship will be immune.
However, the transformed Gorbie will still get first shot due
to shock and surprize.

ROBOTS - IRON SLAVE BROTHEL SHIP
Any Iron Slave ship with FC set to "yum" will be
instantly transformed into a floating brothel. All Robots
crew on board will be wearing black patent leather and carry
whips, handcuffs, and other "powered devices". Fuel use will
double, but each clan on board will generate 1 MC per turn.
If an Iron Slave and a Lady Royal meet, revenues will triple
for both ships. An Iron Slave over a planet will increase
the happiness factor on the planet similar to the Lizard
Hisss mission, but 3% of the clans will die off each turn due
to the spread of STD's such as AIDS. Iron Slaves interecpted
by a Fascist Lady Royal will multiply MC's gathered by a
factor of 10, but increase the spread of STD's by 20%.

REBELS - REAL GROUND ATTACK
Any Rebel ship set to "Ground Attack" and FC set to
"PND" will drop hundreds of commandos on a planet. These
commandos will start pounding the ground with giant sledge
hammers. The dust cloud caused by the pounding will block
out sunlight and cool any planet off by 5 degrees per turn.
Note: this can either be a benefit or a bane.

COLONIALS - THE DREADED QUAD "B" ATTACK
Perhaps the most horrific attack of any in the entire
game. A Scorpius light carrier, with FC set to "UGH", will
launch specially equiped fighters against any ship or planet
it encounters. Each fighter will be equiped with a mark
5000 Mega-Blaster Megaphone that blasts out Barry Mantilow
songs sung by Barney set to Bagpipes and Banjos. Enemy ships
will flee in panic in the face of the Quad B attack, and move
away from the Scorpius at warp 9, reguardless of engine tech
level. Enemy clans will flee a planet surface by any means
possible, or surrender instantly. So terrible is the power
of this attack, that only one fighter is needed on board.
However, the emotional and physical drain upon the crew of
this attack so intense that immeadiately after attacking the
crew set the ship mission to "Colonize" and spend the rest of
their lives sitting on the beach drinking screech and getting
wasted. The ship will also need 10,000 MC on board to pay
for the disability pensions of the crew after the attack, or
they will not do it.

....these missions, created with tounge firmly in cheeck, are
brought to you by the demented minds and twisted
immaginations of Joe O'Neil, Bill Webb and Darcy Emery...
:)
---
þ wcECHO 4.0 ÷ ShareNet BBS þ Home of the INTERNATIONAL TOURNEY OF CHAMPIONS
Understanding is a three-edged sword.
Your side,
their side,
and the truth.

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Havok
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Post#2 » Mon May 11, 2009 10:59 am

That's a classic!
Regards,
][avok

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warpedboard
Posts: 555

Post#3 » Mon May 11, 2009 5:46 pm

Fantastic!

Is it indicative of mental illness if I sat there afterwards thinking "Hey, I'd kinda like to actually PLAY that"?

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Six_Of_One
Posts: 1078
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Post#4 » Wed May 13, 2009 2:26 am

What game is Havok putting that addon in, and can i join 8)
"Just because you can do a thing,
Doesn't mean you should."

Paarthurnax the Dragon
Elder Scrolls-Skyrim

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Cardno
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Post#5 » Wed May 13, 2009 2:38 am

warpedboard wrote:Fantastic!

Is it indicative of mental illness if I sat there afterwards thinking "Hey, I'd kinda like to actually PLAY that"?
Yes, yes it is.

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warpedboard
Posts: 555

Post#6 » Wed May 13, 2009 5:51 pm

Cardno wrote:
warpedboard wrote:Fantastic!

Is it indicative of mental illness if I sat there afterwards thinking "Hey, I'd kinda like to actually PLAY that"?
Yes, yes it is.
Well crap, guess I need to set my "Days Without Mental Instability" counter back to 0.

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Havok
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Post#7 » Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:14 pm

Just ran across this oldie... I wish someone would make this addon. :)
Regards,
][avok

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